


it has always been okay

by w0nderlei



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Being Queer is OK, Coming Out, Friendship, GAY AWAKENINGS, Gen, Kenma POV, Kozume Kenma is a Good Friend, Queer Character, Queer Themes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-29
Updated: 2019-06-29
Packaged: 2020-05-30 17:14:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 858
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19407751
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/w0nderlei/pseuds/w0nderlei
Summary: a short piece about Shouyou coming to terms with not necessarily being straight and Kenma trying his best to assure him its going to be OK





	it has always been okay

**Author's Note:**

> happy pride ya'll ! i just wanted to write this because I love their friendship and I think this conversation is important. thank you for clicking on this story and I hope you enjoy.

“I have always loved him,” Yamaguchi said. It didn’t sound like a confession because there was no shame or dramatics in his voice, just plain truth. It was as if he said, “We are having pancakes in the morning,” so Kenma did not pay much attention.

They were stretched out in Shouyou’s backyard, bodies angled towards the sky above. It had been a long day. Upon arrival, Shouyou had shown him the wonders of Miyagi district, zooming from one place to the next. Just as expected, it ended at the Karasuno gym, where they had run into Yamaguchi-san. It was exhausting to even try to keep up with the ball of sunshine that was Shouyou, especially in a game. He was worse than Lev or even Kuroo’s owl haired friend. At least there was an _off switch_. With Shouyou, there was no end. Even now, he was happily conversing with Yamaguchi as if they hadn’t spent the whole day talking.

He turned his attention back to the sky. Objectively, Kenma knew that there were just as many stars in Tokyo. But Miyagi had considerably less light pollution and the true quantity of stars almost overwhelmed him. He felt like the long grass and the solid Earth beneath him were the only things that stopped him from floating away.

There was a small beep to his left, indicating a text message on Yamaguchi’s phone. “Ah, it’s my mom. Excuse me for a second.” They nodded as he left.

Silence settled between the two comfortably. These moments were rare, but Kenma had always appreciated how comfortable Shouyou was during their stretches of silence. His brown eyes were focused on the stars above. It was almost an image of peace, but his brow was furrowed in concentration.

Kenma rolled onto his side to face him. “Don’t make that face, Shouyou. You will get wrinkles.”

“Really?!” The redhead widened his eyes and started to scrub between his eyebrows and nose.

Kenma squinted, “Is that your thinking face?”

“I don’t know,” Shouyou said. He rolled to face Kenma but continued to rub at his face. “Are they still there?”

_His stupid, stupid friend._ “No, they are gone.”

“Thanks, Kenma!”

“What were you thinking about, Shouyou?”

Their eyes met and his cheeks colored. Kenma frowned. The last thing he wanted to do was make Shouyou uncomfortable. “It’s okay. You don’t have to tell me.”

“N-no, it’s just that…”

Kenma waited. Shouyou rolled onto his back again and hid his face in the crook of his elbow.  
“…what Yamaguchi said. What do you think he meant?”

_I have always loved him._

Kenma paused. It certainly was not out of character for the boy. He did not know much about Yamaguchi-san other than he was transparent with his emotions. And a lot of those emotions centered around Tsukishima-san, which were (for the most part) feelings of admiration and companionship. It was not a far reach from love.

Kenma looked at Shouyou and quirked an eyebrow. But Shouyou wasn’t looking at him. In response to the silence, he continued, “Do you think that means they are dating? That Yamaguchi is… _gay?_ ”

Oh. Kenma felt his shoulders tense. He was not ready for this conversation, not with Shouyou, not with anyone. He had not done enough training for this level, but here it was anyway. This is why he would much rather stick to video games – at least, he could wait to approach the boss. How to approach: pretend to be OK, confess the truth, run away? If Shouyou made fun of Yamaguchi, could Kenma pretend to be okay? Could he ignore the hot feelings of shame? Could their friendship continue?

The scenarios, playthroughs and possible strategies buzzing around his head did not translate to the real world, so all Shouyou heard was silence. In a whisper (the quietest Kenma had heard Shouyou) he asked, “…is that okay?”

Kenma let out a breath, tension leaving his body. He berated himself for the misjudgment of his friend. This was _Shouyou_ , after all. A kind, loyal and open friend who constantly saw the best in people, even if they were his rivals on the court. There was fear in his voice, a fear Kenma was familiar with. It was a fear of that word and everything that came with it – shame, rejection, isolation. It was an ugly fear, so ugly it could make someone as bright as Shouyou feel wrong and bad and _broken_. For the first time, Kenma felt the responsibility of senpai. He swallowed back the nausea he felt and spoke into the silence, “…yes. Yes, it’s okay.”

Beside him, the boy’s body sagged with relief. He lifted his arm away from his face to look at Kenma. Kenma pretended not to notice the dampness of his cheeks. “But you should be careful on who you tell. Only people you trust.”

“I trust you, Kenma,” he said, flashing his signature dazzling smile. Kenma’s ears burned, feeling the gratitude seep into his body. He couldn’t believe there was something brighter than all these stars at this hour. And everyone knew Shouyou’s energy could be contagious. Kenma grinned in return.


End file.
